The "A,B,C's" of Relationships,,,,,,(according to one 47 year old)

     I titled my blog, "There's More to Life Than Laundry," for good reason. Because I have a large family, I feel like a significant part of my time on earth is spent doing laundry. It is a thankless, never-ending job, and quite frankly I feel sorry for myself sometimes when I am in the thick of a six hour laundry marathon (which is not a rare occasion, if I get even a little behind). So I try to have a little fun with the laundry curse.....and blogging about it is one of my many coping mechanisms. A few other ways I cope, while doing what should be "illegal" amounts of laundry are: 1) praying....ok I had to throw that in at the first so that you may think I'm somewhat spiritual, and give me a pass on the others I am about to shamelessly mention. .....but really, I do pray during laundry! 2) I watch hours of recorded DVR favorites,(while drinking a glass or two of cheap wine) such as (and this is the shame part) "Sister Wives", "Dr. Phil", "The Middle", "Kate Plus 8",  "Out Daughtered", "Little People Big World", "My 600 Pound Life"...... I think you get the picture by now. I am a confessed TLC addict!!!  The reason is, I love to study people and learn from them. You would think I would have it ALL figured out by now, after all growing up a preacher's kid and adding years of adult experience and life have presented me with MANY opportunities to ponder the human being and why we do the things we do. Believe me when I say, I have filed so many situations in my brain, from childhood on, that I pull out of my psychological hat when I am in need of wisdom and lessons from the past. But even with all the information gathering I have done, I still have struggled in knowing how to relate to some folks in my everyday life, from time to time.
       A week ago I turned 47 years old, which is what brings me to the blog today. I have been thinking about this....."What the heck have I learned in 47 years?". Well I am about to give you a chunk of my learnings.....and no worries, it's not too much, too deep or "too" anything really. It's pretty practical, and not rocket science, so one would think I would have nailed this down before now, but NOPE....it's finally sinking in. What is it, you may or may not be asking....I will tell you, one of the most profound things I have learned about human relationships is summed up with what I will refer to as the A,B,C's of relationships.. I must admit, my amazing husband has been trying to help me grasp these concepts our whole marriage, but I am a slow learner. While he did not package the concepts up in a neat "A,B,C" presentation, as I am aiming to do for you here, he modeled them and shared them with me constantly.  It has taken me many years to accept the bottom line.....and that is...... Not everyone is going to like me, or approve of my life choices, beliefs and decisions, and that has to be OK! The funny thing is,,,,,this is how Mike (my almost perfect husband) lives his life, and truly, I don't know anyone that doesn't like him (and if you happen to be one of those people and actually reading this, I hate to tell ya, but you are a freak... ok back to the encouragement part of this blog).
     So let me quickly sum up this A,B,C thing. Now from the start, I want to make it clear, I am not GRADING people! This is simply a "somewhat" personal filing system for us, to know how to RELATE to the people we are blessed to have in our lives. Because, in the past, I did not understand how to relate to some people, here and there, I just totally cut them out of my life. It is important for us to know how to understand a relationship, as it pertains to our role in it, so that we can avoid trauma, drama and anything else ending in"ama".
     The "A" relationship represents the AUTHENTIC relationship.  Our role in the "A" relationship is amazing, semi rare and truly a gift from God. It is the gift of getting to be "AUTHENTIC"...... in every way. These "A" relationships bring people into our lives that love us in the good, the bad , and the ugly! They look past and almost appreciate our quirky ways. They get us, We get them, They forgive us, We forgive them, They know us, We know them! These are the peeps that will be by your side during life's biggest events, highest highs and lowest lows. If we have a few of these relationships...... man we are blessed.  It feels so good to be AUTHENTIC!
     The "B" relationship represents the "BENIGN" relationship. The definition of benign is "not dangerous to health, not recurrent or progressive."  The definition perfectly describes this relationship, and our role in it is to just appreciate it for what it is. We must recognize it will never be an "A" relationship, and that has to be ok,.....It can be the best "B" relationship it can be. Once we remove the pressure for it to "B" anything more....we are free to enjoy it for the gift it is..... Boy have I gotten hung up here before. The expectations I have had for certain relationships have been unrealistic and unfair. Truly, people have such differing life journeys that we can't begin to understand the issues they deal with, and when coupled with our issues,  it's just not fertile ground for a blossoming relationship, but it doesn't mean it's toxic either. There is no reason we can't love these people and these relationships on a daily basis.....just know they are the best they can "B"! They are just "B" relationships.
     Lastly, the "C" relationship. This represents the "CAUTIOUS" relationship.  Not that you don't already know the meaning of cautious, but I want to state if for the purpose of perspective in regards to our relationships. Cautious means "to avoid potential problems or dangers."  This is a potentially toxic relationship, and with all grace, kindness, and respect, it is important to really limit contact with these type relationships. They are not fixable and not worth fighting for, or about. These type relationships rob you of your inner peace, and they often cause the people in your life to have to choose sides. Before we find ourselves having to draw a line in the sand with these people and the people that surround this type relationship,,,,,wouldn't it be better to be able to just take the people and the relationship with a grain of "sand" ( yes sand not salt..) . Instead of drawing a line in the sand...... just recognize....it is SAND!  That's what "C" relationships do best, they're "sandy" (and if your name is Sandy, I'm sorry, it's not personal).  Like sand, these relationships are hot, sticky and they can bury a person.  I want us to be encouraged to rise above this sand crab existence, buried down in the thick of it, but rather rise above it, build a sand castle and be the "King or Queen" of our lives....by not allowing this type of relationship to wash us out. There is usually no need to have animosity, or strife with these people that we are "blessed" to have in our lives.  It takes two to argue and bicker, and most of the time, no one is going to change, so why bother? Yes, believe it or not, it has taken me 47 years to realize what my husband has tried to tell me for 25 years of marriage....."They are who they are'....."It is what it is"............ So simple.... yet so beautiful and freeing.  This  "C" type relationship will never be an "A" relationship, not even a "B" relationship........ so why waste our precious lives searching for significance in this.  This we know, God loves all, and we must too, but we do not have to approach all relationships the same way. Once we fix our "stinking thinking", then "Issues" don't seem so much like "Issues"!
     There are of course, "D" and "F" relationships, and we won't even need to go there. So, folks, for 47 years of life, this is about as deep as I can get! Sad I know!!! But I also know that MUCH of the drama I witness, while watching my "shows", while doing my laundry marathon, while drinking my cheap wine, while trying to figure life out, all the while "praying" (gulp).......much of it all could be avoided if these relationship principles were practiced, but then again, if they were, I would not have anything to ponder while being entertained, while doing laundry ........ so carry on peeps.....carry on!

PS. Had to share this rare beautiful thing that happened this week for just a few short hours. My baskets WERE empty, I WAS all caught up......notice Past tense. Got to go.....it's piling up as I type.